Review by Alana Chancy
Director: Jonathan Eusebio
Starring: Ke Huy Quan, Ariana DeBose, Daniel Wu, Marshawn Lynch, Mustafa Shakir, Lio Tipton, Rhys Darby, André Eriksen, and Sean Astin
Movie Length: 1 hour 23 minutes
I cannot explain how much I was looking forward to this movie. 80s child star Ke Huy Quan headlines as a realtor who must channel his previous career as an assassin to save the day. How much more nostalgic cheesy goodness could a girl ask for?
The movie opens with Marvin Gable (Quan) living his best life as a star realtor who truly embodies his brokerage’s Kool-Aid sales pitch and has us falling in love with his charm in a way that only Quan can deliver. However, his Valentine’s Day is quickly derailed when his former love, nightclub dame Rose (Adriana DeBose) comes back into his life. Formerly accused of stealing money and left for dead by Marvin (as an attempt to save her), Rose proclaims that “hiding ain’t living” and utilizes Marvin’s help to expose their former employer, Marvin’s kingpin brother and boba fiend Knuckles (Daniel Wu) for embezzling money from the Russians.
Rose frequents her favorite line to Marvin throughout the adventure to try and lure him back to his true self as an assassin. But as we see from Marvin time and time again, his heart has moved on and he has a Regional Realtor Award to prove it. Their chemistry falls flatter than a sad pancake. Its further contrasted by the better chemistry of two other budding romances – Marvin’s brooding assistant (Lio Tipton) and his hired hit man (Mustafa Shakir) and the c-plot where cartoon goons Marshawn Lynch and André Eriksen work towards repairing Eriksen’s relationship with his wife.
The movie does bring a good amount of laughs and action. Who knew boba straws, realtor awards, and cookie cutters could be so useful in a fight? And the small Goonies reunion with Sean Astin was a very nice touch. But the audience is left wondering what movie’s message is – if there is one – and who the target audience might be? At times, it felt like the writer’s room kept prompting Chat-GPT to suggest more pieces of flair and cameos so that theoretically absolutely everyone could walk away with something they enjoyed.
But as we learn with love, not all movies or all people need to appeal to everyone. Ke Huy Quan certainly did his best to carry the film, but ultimately, he deserved better.
Rating: 2.5/5 (two points for Quan and half a point for the boba straw)
Love Hurts is now in theaters.
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